mental foreplay

I took half the day off because it was the SONA and I would find it hard to go home later that evening. We stopped by the grocery and I was just watching the "Dirty Dancing" rerun on TV when my dad told me that Cholo was dead.  Apparently, he licked the chemicals that were used to rid his cage of fleas.  

Haay, he was such a sweet dog pa naman, very malambing because he had the habit of following me everywhere and licking my toes so much that I had to playfully scold him everytime he did it.  He would always look so glad to see me after work that he would try to jump on the sofa.

Don't get me wrong, I've had other dogs before, many of which have lasted longer than "my little boy" but this is the first time that I've been really attached to a pet since all the other ones were too big for me and they also weren't allowed to go inside the house.

Thank you, Cholo for being such a sweet dog and goodbye, dear one.

You are Temperance

Time. Ages. Transformation. Involuntary change

Temperance is another card of aspiration, but also of much change. It often represents complex situations. Positively, you can harmonize contrary forces.

Temperance is, on a surface level, about "tempering." The original pouring from cup to cup might have been about cutting wine with water. So this is a card about moderation. There is, however, another angle to the card, that of merging seemingly impossible opposites. Sagittarius, the centaur, merges beast and man into a unique creature. And then there is the bow and arrow, one moving, one stationary, working together to point the way. Temperance may be, at first glance, a warning for you to "temper" your behavior, to cut your wine with water. But it may also be a reminder to that seemingly irreconcilable opposites may not be irreconcilable at all. Belief that fiery red and watery blue cannot be merged may be the only thing standing in the way of blending the two. Change the belief, measure out each with care, and you can create otherworldly violet.

What Tarot Card are You?
Take the Test to Find Out.

Had come home from watching hancock last night only to find the fed all bothered and flustered by nadal's brute strength.  Didn't get to watch it in its entirety because I was the one getting bothered and flustered by the mere thought of the fed losing. (hahaha, affected daw o!)

Call me a fed fan alright but I can't seem to get over the fact that Nadal is so yabang on court, pompous even, in the way he slaughters opponents by the sheer power of his steriod-induced, galdiator-like muscles. Plus, the way he looks at the person he's playing against (i.e. sharp beady eyes and fist pumping in the air) just does not float my boat in any way. Compared with the sheer grace of movement that is Federer, Nadal is bereft of class, if you ask me. though to give credit to the guy, he is a predator extraordinnaire with animalistic-like power that you cannot help but be awed by his brute physical strength. Federer is a masterful tactician while Nadal is, well, a bull.

Oh, what can I say, you can't win them all, can you?

On a lighter note, I finished the draft of my thesis so I'm free to do whatever I please - ladidadida so I treated myself to a hot oil treatment and a movie dahil amoy libro na ko hahaha ....now, if only Federer won, my day would be complete.

Nah, don't wanna burst my bubble. I don't even wanna care.

mood: floating on air

july 5 is d-day for me.  one last hurrah so I better make it my best ever.

will be incommunicado for the next two weeks or so.

mood: nerdy excited or excited nerdy whichever is greater.

i visited chuvaness' site and chanced upon death forecast. seems that i'll live up to the ripe old age of 77.  hahaha, pwede ba tumawad? i wanna die young and live up to a ripe old age of 55 - with a PhD, tons of high yield, blue chip stocks (so I can live merely on interest alone) and a house - no, an island in the Bahamas to boot.

burn fast and die fast. i have this penchant for a skyrocketing career and i never want anything to be a slowburn.

egad, i think i was a speed freak or race car driver in a past life. 

tyn's Death Forecast:

It is estimated that you will die at the age of 77 Years Old.
If you want to link to your Death Forecast from your blog, profile, or website, use this URL:
http://deathforecast.com/result.php?record=2645689.

I happen to be running low on meds and I just found out today that my derma has moved to a new location. Apparently, the doctor I was seeing was no longer affiliated with the new clinic.  Grrr... kainis It has taken me months to be "hiyang" with my skincare regimen and the creams and procedures I was undergoing and then....THIS!?!!!?

Haay, what is the world coming to?!!!? This may seem so "mababaw" and too "maarte" and too petty for some people but I am THAT OC about my skincare and I absolutely abhor even if one pimple makes its appearance on my face.  Again, don't pelt me with tomatoes - I know that I'm vain - but there's nothing wrong with always looking good, is there?

The other doctor is available only on Saturday mornings and guess what, my dad plays tennis saturday mornings and that schedule is non-negotiable, so, go figure?!!?

Haay, naku talaga!!! I'm really, really bugged about this.

mode: annoyed, totally annoyed

I'm bored. As in B-O-R-E-D with a capital B.

There. I said it and finally uttered it out loud. Work is boring me to death and my pseudo attempts to finish my independent study don't help either.  It's just that I'm boxed into this routine for God knows how long already and then I still wonder why my life has transformed into one big snooze fest (yup, how dense can I possibly get, di ba?). 

I get up in the morning, get to work, write things (mostly templates), apply warm compress and medications for my aching tendons, "pretend" to study (hahaha, yun naman eh) and sleep and do the same drill over and over and over again.

Buti na lang, mama L and bitterness are there to spice up my life every 6'o clock o di kaya'y mas maaga pa. Di ba adelia? They make life funnier and more bearable. wink* wink*

music: la di da di dah....

Aren't the photos so retro?

after reading a post on kikay.exchange.ph and coming across http://thedairiburger.wordpress.com/category/sweet-valley-high/, I was reminded on how I went gaga over SVH and all its permutations circa 80s.  As in I can finish a book in an hour and I used to drop by National Bookstore in Quezon Ave. every week to buy an entire stash of the latest SV something (i.e. kids, twins, saga, high school, special edition etc., name it, I had it)  in grade school and high school (I started in third grade, I think) half of which I now gave my younger cousins with the other half being donated to a public school.

Come to think of it, Sweet Valley was the reason I was provided with a headstart in speed reading, haha. I read - no practically devoured everything I could get my hands on so much so that it started my love affair with the written word until I progressed into classics, encyclopedias, novels and now Gloria stuff, hehehe. I think when I was eleven I wrote my own series based on the stuff with a heroine named Courtney and a jock named Jake...hehehe ang chaka... Nevertheless, it gave me the push I needed to move on to more serious stuff :)

my, oh my how proud can an Ate get...

my baby's now a model in london town with a british passport to boot.  grabe, di ka ma-reach baby sister ha :P  and she walked the runway last, saan ka pa, pang-finale ang beauty mo, have a couple of fashion shows lined up too.  My dad also told me that a London correspondent of The Observer wanted to do a write-up on her too and others wanted her to do pageants as well which my mother politely declined since doing so entailed traveling back and forth to the Philippines that may prove to be too much of a hassle considering that they are based in London already. 

haay, todo na to... I'm so proud of you, beh.  may you have more catwalks to glide on while keeping it fierce.  luv ya beh.  We are all so proud of everything you have achieved. Work it, beh :P manang-mana ka talaga sa kin, hehehe...

got this from grace who got it from mary ann...

My mental age is...

You know when your birthday is,
But how old should you really be?
(just put an x next to the things that apply to you)

[] I know how to make a pot of coffee.
[x] I keep track of dates using a calendar....
[] own more than one credit card.... ( I do not believe in credit cards)
[] I know how to change the oil in my car.
[] I can do my own laundry.

[x] I vote every election.
[] I can cook for myself.
[] I think politics are exciting. (I'm tired of thinking about this day and night.)
[x] I balance my checkbook.

TOTAL = 3

[x] I show up for school/college/work every day early.
[x] I always carry a pen in my pocket/purse.
[x] I've never gotten a detention.
[x] I have never smoked a cigarette.
[x] I have never gotten completely trashed.
[] I have forgotten my own birthday at least once.
[x] I like to take walks by myself.
[x] I watch talk shows.
[x] I know what "credibility" means without looking it up.
[] I drink coffee at least once a week.

TOTAL SO FAR = 10

[] I know how to do the dishes.
[x] I can count to 10 in another language.
[x] When I say I'm going to do something I do it.
[] I can mow the lawn.
[x] I can make adults laugh without being stupid.
[] I remember to water the plants.
[x] I study only when I have to.
[x] I pay attention at work.
[] I remember to feed my pets/child.

TOTAL SO FAR = 15

[x] I can spell "experience" without looking it up
[] I work out on a regular basis.
[x] I clean up my own mess.
[] The people at Starbucks know me by name.
[] My favorite kind of food is take out.
[x] I have gained weight since high school.
[] The first thing I do when I wake up is get caffeine.
[x] I can go to the store without getting something I don't need.
[x] I understand political jokes the first time they are said.
[x] I can type quickly.

TOTAL SO FAR = 21

[x] I have realized that the weather forecast changes every hour.
[] My only friends are from my place of employment.
[] I have been to a tupperware party.
[x] I have realized that no one will take you seriously unless you are over the age of 25 and have a job.
[] I have more bills than I can pay.
[x] Almost all my friends are older than I am.
[x] I can say no to staying out all night. (most especially if I have work or a paper that's due)
[x] I use the internet every day.
[x] My wardrobe hasn't changed in a while.
[x] i can read a book and actually finish it

GRAND TOTAL = 29

sort of correct just one year more than my actual age and I'm mostly serious and I worry an awful lot which makes me a friggin' dinosaur...tsk, tsk...

Haay, i'm so tired but happy, dead beat but satisfied.

I finally finished the revisions for chapters 1-4 and am itching to get out... finally, of the robot aka automaton slash nerdox persona that I inadvertently found myself in for God knows how long already.  See, haven't slept a wink for the past two days, am constantly ngarag and irritable over the littlest things, no thanks to a barrage of work and study load that has me begging for mercy.

Buti na lang, it's over at least, for now.  At least, I can now fully concentrate on work (which, irony of ironies, I now consider my rest). Believe it or not, I find working relaxing...haha..now, I'm itching to get out of my rathole and watch "Across the Universe" with my gals.

mode: working like a dawg gone bad while singing "Hey Jude" and "All You Need is Love"

The woman posted this one on craiglist and the guy who answered actually works at J.P. Morgan though the woman's identity remained a mystery. Hilariously funny :)

Craigslist Meets WallStreet…Classic

Omigosh, I'm so HAPPY

I passed the compre.

HAPPINESS, HAPPINESS ALL AROUND.

this is way better  than my calamares fix every thursday in St. Jude.

SPREAD THE LOVE, folks

Silence is truly comforting especially when we make a living out of making noise.

from pico eyer's "the eloquent sounds of silence"

http://www.time.com/time/magazine/article/0,9171,1101930125-160855,00.html

adapted from wysgal's post.

"We have to earn silence, then, to work for it: to make it not an absence but a presence; not emptiness but repletion. Silence is something more than just a pause; it is that enchanted place where space is cleared and time is stayed and the horizon itself expands. In silence, we often say, we can hear ourselves think; but what is truer to say is that in silence we can hear ourselves not think, and so sink below our selves into a place far deeper than mere thought allows. In silence, we might better say, we can hear someone else think.

Or simply breathe. For silence is responsiveness, and in silence we can listen to something behind the clamor of the world...

Silence, then, could be said to be the ultimate province of trust: it is the place where we trust ourselves to be alone; where we trust others to understand the things we do not say; where we trust a higher harmony to assert itself. We all know how treacherous are words, and how often we use them to paper over embarrassment, or emptiness, or fear of the larger spaces that silence brings. "Words, words, words" commit us to positions we do not really hold, the imperatives of chatter; words are what we use for lies, false promises and gossip. We babble with strangers; with intimates we can be silent. We "make conversation" when we are at a loss; we unmake it when we are alone, or with those so close to us that we can afford to be alone with them.

In love, we are speechless; in awe, we say, words fail us."

Finally, I have found the love of my life :)

I met cholo and twas love at first sight grabe. para syang isang miniature stuffed toy ewoks promise. ang bait nya sobra - a quiet dispostion with just the right amount of playfulness thrown in. kaso lang, feeling ata nya borja talaga sya...hahaha...as in sunod sya ng sunod sa dad ko wherever he goes...ewoks na stuffed toy barely eight inches long with the cutest and most adorable puppy dog eyes hahaha...

sabi ng dad ko tuloy para syang nagkaroon ng bagong batang alagain...

for bebeh christa - sorry my cam phone is busted so you'll have to make do with this photo (medyo hawig nya pero he's way, waayyy cuter than the dog in that photo). 

photo from AP

Twelve grand slam titles and counting for the man they dub the Fed.  Grabe, this demigod belongs to a class all his own. I feel I must genuflect hahaha... (two more to go before breaking Sampras' record). He's violently sublime :p a real sportsman on and off-court.

But truth be told, in my heart of hearts, I was secretly rooting for Novak Djokovic - history books be damned. 

I think everything about him is endearing, hehehe :P The Sharapova and Nadal impersonations, the competitive and "never say die attitude" with aching muscles and all, and the youthful effervescence and humility that makes him so unlike Nadal - who I both like and hate because of different reasons. Let's just say I enjoy the thought of him creaming his opponent yet getting creamed at the same time.

I like this picture of Djokovic - it's so fiery and whimsical all at once.

In "Inside the Actor's Studio," James Lipton always asks his guest actors ten questions to end the show. got this idea from bianca gonzales' blog, superbianca.blogspot.com, while browsing the net.

Since I'm quite fascinated with movies and all that hollywood chutzpah (I mean, who isn't?), let's pretend that I'm a guest on the show answering questions about method acting and what not. 

1. what is your favorite word?
DRIVE

2. what is your least favorite word?
PAIN

3. what turns you on?
KIND-HEARTEDNESS

4. what turns you off?
CONCEIT

5. what sound or noise do you love?
LAUGHTER

6. what sound or noise do you hate?
FIGHTING

7. what is your favorite curse word?
none, I have learned not to curse.

8. what profession other than your own would you like to attempt?
DERMATOLOGIST (to make myself and others pretty, not to mention save and make tons of money, bwahahaha)

9. what profession would you not like to do?
GARBAGE COLLECTOR

10. if HEAVEN exists, what would you like to hear God say when you arrive at the Pearly Gates?
YOU INSPIRED PEOPLE.

A bitchy....

and a positive take on things....

My, oh my, do I feel like Dr. Jekyl and Mr. Hyde today? It's just that I've read an article in the Inquirer about this guy who has polio who overcame his disability and eventually became successful inspite of the discrimination that he faced even from his own parents who, sadly, denied him the right to be educated.

God, how awful can that be! Frankly, it struck a resonant chord in me because I simply cannot fathom how pea-brained some people could be.  Someone said to me that it seems that God truly has me in his special favor because He handed everything to me on a silver platter. 

Well, di naman siguro...

Though I'm very appreciative of everything that I have, all that I have now is truly hard-earned.  On the back of my mind, I was always aware that I have to work three times as hard as other people so as to level the playing field because I knew that there will be a point where I would be discriminated whether I like it or not.  That's where my constant perfectionist tendencies comes siguro...whether in academics, looks (daw o! kapal, hehehe) or what not. Basta, for me, it's not enough that I am smart because I have to be pretty, sociable, friendly, well-bred and well-traveled as well.

Like that Josh Goban song, "You Raise Me Up," lahat ng meron ako utang na loob ko sa Diyos, sa parents ko, sa boss ko, sa friends ko at sa lahat ng tumulong at nagpatatag sa 'kin whether in a good or bad way - coz I have this uncanny ability to transform even the most utterly negative thing in my life into something positive and use that as a "crutch" (pun intended) to achieve something great - that and a healthy dose of self-deprecating humor, charm, wit, prayer, and most of all, willpower.

I admit I have achieved a lot and someone said I don't have to prove anything anymore either to myself or to other people.  But I guess the inner struggle is still there - to constantly excel, not just for other people before, but, more importantly, for myself - so that I won't ever be complacent and to challenge myself everyday that I can do more.

Several people have told me that I inspire them.  A friend once told me that I have made his mom cry after reading my story in a paper.  My best friend has nicknamed me "Apolinaria" - that, and "kikay na pilay," hehehe :) and others have told me that I'm a positive role model.

So, to all the disabled like me, do your best to be an inspiration to other people and find as much meaning as you can in life so that you have nothing to regret later.  And don't let anyone tell you, (even your parents), what you can or cannot do. (hehehe, pursuit of happiness, ikaw ba ittch!?!)

Always shoot for the moon because if you fail, at least you'll be among the stars.

Nagmamahal,

Apolinaria (with apologies to the real thang)

photo from inq7.net

Be the change that you want to see in this world....